Cover Story: The (New!) ‘Family Survival Guide’

“I remember standing in the middle of chaos, wishing I had a book to tell me what to do.”
Colleen Nick
Mother of Morgan Nick, abducted at age 6 while catching fireflies with friends during a Little League baseball game in 1995

 

Thankfully, there is such a resource: When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide. And its new multimedia format—with updated, actionable information—is more relevant and accessible than ever.

The Guide’s advice reflects the hard-won lessons of eight parents, including Colleen Nick, who have faced “the worst thing any of us could ever imagine—and no parent ever wants to think about: having their child go missing,” says parent-author Patty Wetterling.

Organized with numerous checklists and resources, the fifth edition of the Guide is a compass for parents in the midst of chaos. Its new iteration is fully digital, with a website offering a downloadable, printable guide, plus searchable online content and more than 100 videos covering the myriad of issues a parent may face during the search for their child.

Officially released on National Missing Children’s Day in May 2023, the Family Survival Guide was a labor of love for its parent-authors, who worked with the AMBER Alert Training and Technical Assistance Program (AATTAP) publications team and others for nearly two years to bring it to fruition. Reliving their experiences “is never easy; in fact, it’s agonizing—but it’s important for us,” Patty says.

When first published in 1998, When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide was the first comprehensive resource of its kind, offering parents of missing children guidance on effectively working with law enforcement, the media, and volunteers; managing rewards and donations; and “simply surviving to fight another day in the search for their child,” Colleen says.

She and Patty were among a small group of families that Ron Laney of the U.S. Department of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) invited to work on the project with help from Helen Connelly, then a senior consultant for the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ)—and later a Program Administrator for Fox Valley Technical College (FVTC), home to AATTAP and the National Criminal Justice Program (NCJTC).

The Guide quickly became the go-to source for people who “speak the language of missing”—not only in this country, but also abroad, where agencies from the United Kingdom to Australia include it on their websites. “But a lot has changed in 25 years,” Patty says. “It was time for a new look, both in its content and design.”

Patty and Colleen rejoined Helen to work with six other parents to produce the Guide’s update with the AATTAP publications team—an initiative funded and guided by the DOJ’s Office of Justice Programs (OJP) and the OJJDP.

“Though there have been several prior updates to the Guide, this one is especially important,” Helen says. “It incorporates the most current information on a wider range of missing child situations. It also gives families immediate access to information via its online format. And there they can hear the parents’ advice and encouragement from the parents themselves, who speak directly to them through powerful videos.”

The parents share these goals: To give voice to children who have been forever silenced. To give hope to parents of missing children when life is at its lowest point. And to help law enforcement best work with parents who desperately want to find their missing child.

For 18 months beginning in fall 2021, the parents worked with the AATTAP project team to begin analyzing every aspect of the Guide: deciding what needed revision, what information needed emphasis, and what new resources and guidance should be added.

Getting the Guide to completion took numerous virtual meetings, independent work spanning weeks, and multiple rounds of peer review that included input from top law enforcement professionals with expertise in finding missing children. The parents aimed to highlight more advanced technology, new and helpful laws, better ways of investigating, and expanded resources. Another goal was to speak more directly and clearly to parents.

Beyond being able to download a PDF of the document, they wanted to ensure parents could access its content from any place with WiFi. They worked diligently to develop information on topics relevant to today: broader classifications of missing children; the impact of social media and communication apps; ever-growing concerns about trafficking; increased public alerting options; and “how to work with law enforcement who may not be trained on new laws, or know how to access specialized resources,” says parent-author Jeffery Morehouse.

In January 2023, a week of filming took place in Salt Lake City. The parents flew in from New York, Washington, Minnesota, Tennessee, Arizona, Colorado, and Alabama to help contribute to what would become a vast library of video segments for the Guide’s website. (Colleen was unable to attend the session due to her work on the documentary “Still Missing Morgan.”)

The film crew and AATTAP team worked carefully and compassionately with families to capture the parents’ heart-wrenching stories and invaluable guidance available only from those who have survived what they have and been left resilient. Tears flowed. Hugs were plentiful. Connections were electric.

On the final day, parents were asked to speak directly to law enforcement to share advice that could be used for both the Guide and AATTAP training events. And at the end of the session, not a dry eye was visible.

AATTAP Administrator Janell Rasmussen was in attendance—and awe. “The strength in this room is so powerful,” she said. “The wisdom you’ve shared inspires me to share a quote [from Saint Augustine] that I think is appropriate for this moment.”

Parent-author Dr. Noelle Hunter replied, “As Ahmad says, ‘This is the club that none of us ever wanted to be in.’ But we’re in it. And, oh, my goodness—the power of solidarity you feel with people who get you exactly is transformative. It’s one of the reasons I never gave up working to see my child returned, and why I stay in this cause to help parents reunite with their children. There is no substitute for the new family that we have built through this work.”

For parent-author Yvonne Ambrose, “this process has been like going to counseling,” she said. “We all had a support system in place until our child went missing. Then we lost people who didn’t understand what we were going through. But even though we’ve lost them, we’ve found each other. That gives us the strength to keep fighting—and be there for others.”

Parent-author Dr. Noelle Hunter replied, “As Ahmad says, ‘This is the club that none of us ever wanted to be in.’ But we’re in it. And, oh, my goodness—the power of solidarity you feel with people who get you exactly is transformative. It’s one of the reasons I never gave up working to see my child returned, and why I stay in this cause to help parents reunite with their children. There is no substitute for the new family that we have built through this work.”

For parent-author Yvonne Ambrose, “this process has been like going to counseling,” she said. “We all had a support system in place until our child went missing. Then we lost people who didn’t understand what we were going through. But even though we’ve lost them, we’ve found each other. That gives us the strength to keep fighting—and be there for others.

Four months after filming, the Family Survival Guide “family” (or “FSG power team,” Yvonne calls them) reunited in Washington, D.C., to attend this year’s National Missing Children’s Day—where the completed Guide was first announced May 23. They also were invited to participate in a roundtable discussion with OJJDP Administrator Elizabeth Ryan and her team.

Prior to the DOJ-hosted Missing Children’s Day event, the FSG family gathered at their Alexandria, Virginia, hotel for a reception hosted by AATTAP staff. They held the first bound copies of the 96-page Family Survival Guide and previewed the new companion website. They also watched “The Power of Support,” a video encapsulating some of their most powerful messages shared during the Family Survival Guide filming sessions.

“You all embody incredible courage,” Janell said, “and your wisdom and candor will be immensely valuable to both parents and law enforcement, who can learn from it and share it with others.” The parents said they plan to continue helping train law enforcement by working with the AATTAP and NCJTC of Fox Valley Technical College. They also want to continue advocating for legislative changes that support parents facing situations similar to theirs.

They also emphasized the value of volunteering with Team HOPE, a cornerstone program of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC). The group is made up of trained parent and family volunteers who have experienced the trauma of having a missing or exploited child. Counseling is offered 24/7 to families coping with all the complex issues surrounding the search for their missing child.

The parents were front and center when the Guide was announced at the 40th annual National Missing Children’s Day event at the U.S. Department of Justice Great Hall in Washington, D.C. “The terror felt by a parent when their child has disappeared is overwhelming,” said U.S. Attorney General Merrick B. Garland. “I have great respect for the brave and resourceful professionals who work every day to protect children from harm, reunite missing children with their families, and provide support in the aftermath of a traumatic event. There is no cause more worthy of honor.”

Following the event, the FSG team gathered at the OJJDP office to talk with Administrator Elizabeth Ryan and OJJDP Program Managers Lou Ann Holland and Alex Sarrano. The parents thanked the OJJDP team for inviting them to participate in the project, and discussed ways to increase awareness of the Guide and further help searching parents.

One conversation addressed the need for parents and law enforcement to understand what types of financial support are available for crime victims. “The criteria around accessing these funds is not clearly defined or understood,” Ahmad said. Patty then described hardships that her son, Trevor—who witnessed is brother’s abduction—has experienced while trying to receive victim resource support as an adult.

Administrator Ryan assured the parents that her team would help address such obstacles, and assist families of missing children in every way possible. Yvonne expressed her gratitude.

“The fact that you all are supporting this new Guide, and allowing us to help others—and having us here today to talk about what families need—means the world to us,” she said. In response, Ryan told the group, “What you have built together is immensely powerful—and greatly needed.”

At the meeting’s close, Patty returned the focus on the parent-authors’ children—some of them found, but some still lost—as well as all children who remain missing.

“Why not get ahead of the problem?” she said. “How do we raise our kids to be the way we want them to be, and not cause harm to another human being? I can talk forever about how we want the world to be—the world that Jacob knew, that innocent world in St. Joseph, Minnesota. We refuse to let the man who took Jacob take that too.”

“One of my favorite quotes is by Pablo Casals, who said, ‘We must work to make the world worthy of its children.’ So why not do that?,” Patty proposed. “Let’s all work to build a world where kids can feel safe enough to follow their dreams.”
– Denise Gee Peacock

 

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