Photo of Pamela Foster at the gravesite of her daughter, Ashlynne MikeMy dearest Ashlynne,

Here’s wishing you what would have been your 20th birthday today — November 13, 2024.

Instead of writing out your card like I always did, today I will cherish our special moments while wishing you a happy birthday.

Tears of joy flow as I remember the day you were born. It was on a beautiful autumn sunset, the leaves of the trees clinging on to the branches and the sun casting its last golden rays through the hospital window. The sunray lit up our room, telling me another star was born and what a special gift you would be.

As I travel down memory lane, I sigh, I smile and I cry, knowing that heaven gave me the best 11 years that I could ever ask for. And today, Ashlynne, we who loved you honor your beautiful life, and we send you our sweetest memories and birthday wishes to you in heaven.

For those who did not know Ashlynne, here’s what I would tell you about her. She was such a creative spirit. For one thing, she was musically gifted. She loved the xylophone and piano, and she played those in her school assemblies every chance she had. She also was a natural born artist who won awards for her paintings.

In addition to those gifts, she was smart, shy, and kind-hearted. Her favorite food was spaghetti. Her favorite colors were yellow and purple. And for these and so many other reasons, her friends adored her.

Ashlynne’s desire to spread happiness extended to our farm, where she loved taking care of her animals. She had cats, dogs, and chickens. She was very special to everyone, and everything, she touched.

That’s why her loss has broken so many of our hearts. But that also has emboldened us.

Ashlynne was 11 years old when she was abducted and murdered on the Navajo Nation on May 2, 2016. A series of jurisdictional hurdles delayed the search for her, and because of that I worked tirelessly to ensure no other child, or their family, would need to face the same tragedy as ours endured. It was vital that Tribal lands improve training and access to the AMBER Alert system across this country.

The first realization of that dream came on April 13, 2018, when “Ashlynne’s Law” (S. 772) was officially signed into law as the Ashlynne Mike AMBER Alert in Indian Country Act of 2018. Ashlynne’s Law now helps Tribal communities develop programs to safely recover endangered missing or abducted children. So much has been accomplished, while there is a great deal left to do—and a lot of support to make that happen.

I take pride in knowing that, and think Ashlynne would too. And to Ashlynne I say, your presence is so deeply missed. But your love and influence continue to touch so many lives. I believe that is the best birthday gift we can give you.

HAPPY 20th birthday, my darling girl. But to me, you will be Forever 11.

With eternal love,

Mommy

Banner of Ashlynne Mike promoting the Ashlynne Mike AMBER Alert in Indian Country Act of 2018
Editor’s Note: All of us within the AMBER Alert Training & Technical Assistance Program and AMBER Alert in Indian Country Initiative are forever indebted to Pamela Foster for her ongoing efforts to help law enforcement respond quickly and effectively when a child goes missing in Indian Country.

By Denise Gee Peacock

National Missing Children’s Day has long been a lodestar for families of missing children—a safe harbor for gathering with child protection professionals who on that day are recognized by the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) for being at the top of their game.

This year that star shone brighter than ever, largely fueled by the unwavering advocacy work of nearly a dozen surviving family members—including parents and siblings—who have endured the nightmare of a missing child, brother, or sister. Their presence at the May 22 commemoration, and related events, was deeply moving—despite the fact that “all of us belong to a club that no one ever wants to belong to,” says parent survivor Ahmad Rivazfar.

Photograph of OJJDP Administrator Liz Ryan with this quote: “Surviving family members know firsthand the torment, confusion, and emotional exhaustion of losing a child. They lived it, and have channeled that sorrow into resources to help others.”That club’s members include parents and siblings desperate to find their missing loved ones, whose whereabouts remain unknown. They are also families who will forever grieve a child who was abducted, sexually assaulted, and murdered; families of children illegally taken out of the country by an estranged parent; families who have fortunately been reunited with their once-missing child, but now work to become whole again.

These family survivors’ stories were invaluable to discussions during the 2024 National Missing Children’s Day events. The AMBER Alert Training & Technical Assistance Program (AATTAP) and National Criminal Justice Training Center (NCJTC) hosted the family members at the events, with support from the DOJ’s Office of Justice Programs (OJP) and Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP).

The AATTAP-NCJTC team and surviving family members were unified in promoting their work on two updated DOJ resources for parents and families of missing children: When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide (released last year) and the forthcoming sibling-focused survival guide, What About Me? Finding Your Path When Your Brother or Sister Is Missing.

Collaboration for a clearer path forward

The day before the National Missing Children’s Day commemoration, surviving family members paid a visit to the Alexandria, Virginia, headquarters of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC). Afterward they attended a private AATTAP reception recognizing their contributions to ensuring family members across the nation have access to the latest information and resources.

They also previewed video segments from a filming project completed earlier this year, one in which contributors to the forthcoming What About Me? sibling survival guide shared their insights and advice to illuminate its content for readers. The videos will be offered alongside the sibling guide (after its release later this year) on the Family Survival Guide website.

During the National Missing Children’s Day ceremony, the group received thanks for their efforts from U.S. Assistant Attorney General Amy L. Solomon, OJJDP Administrator Liz Ryan, and NCMEC President and CEO Michelle DeLaune—as well as attendee applause—when they were asked to stand for recognition.

They also heard from nationally revered parent-advocate and retired AATTAP-NCJTC Associate Patty Wetterling, who was a featured speaker at the event. Wetterling is the mother of Jacob Wetterling, who was abducted and murdered in 1989. (Read more about her search for him, and her new book, Dear Jacob, here—and an excerpt from her Missing Children’s Day talk below.) Wetterling also helped update the new edition of the Family Survival Guide, released in 2023.

During the session, the family members discussed their experiences with being a part of these survival guide projects, along with their ongoing needs and goals as surviving family members who have experienced a missing child or sibling.

Photo of family survivors Kimber Biggs (right) and Pamela Foster (left) with AATTAP Administrator Janell Rasmussen. Adjacent to the image is this quote from Kimber Biggs, AATTAP-NCJTC Associate and sibling survivor-contributor to the forthcoming resource guide, "What About Me? Finding Your Path When Your Brother or Sister Is Missing“: "Speaking with OJJDP about crucial topics, working with dedicated AATTAP and NCJTC leaders, and collaborating with parents who radiate light and strength, was insightful and inspiring. It contributes to my healing—and motivates me to keep climbing.”

They also offered OJJDP and AATTAP leaders recommendations on ways to best support families and more broadly promote awareness and distribution of critically important resources for families, law enforcement, and child advocates.

Following through on a commitment made by OJJDP Administrator Ryan last year during her impactful meeting with the Family Survival Guide contributors at the conclusion of the Missing Children’s Day ceremony, this year’s event included an inaugural, private Family Roundtable discussion with sibling guide family contributors.

Commemoration highlights

Each year, the DOJ honors agencies, organizations, law enforcement officials, and others whose exemplary and heroic efforts have helped recover missing children and prosecute those who harm them.

“Our commemoration is taking a new format this year,” Ryan explained. “OJJDP decided not only to highlight the tremendous work of those who protect children, but also address the challenges in this work—to learn more about issues involving missing kids, and hold in-depth conversations with youth and families of missing and murdered children and other experts on these topics.”

Fifth grader Hannah L. of South Carolina is shown holding a plaque for winning the 2024 National Missing Children's Day poster contest. She is accompanied by her mother, AATTAP Administrator Janell Rasmussen (left) and South Carolina AMBER Alert Coordinator Alex Schelble (right). An embedded link notes: "See participating states’ winning posters for the 2024 National Missing Children’s Day contest at bit.ly/NMCD2024posters." Hanna's winning poster is also shown. It represents children being found as missing pieces of a puzzle, and includes a quote from her: "Those who help bring back missing children change the whole picture completely."

After the commemoration, a cadre of experts, including a youth advocate with lived experience in the foster care system, joined a panel discussion on why so many children and young adults go missing from care. “They will suggest ways to improve collaboration and ensure the well-being of these children,” Ryan said. She next recognized members of the Family Roundtable—parents, siblings and others with a loved one who has gone missing. “Each of them has contributed to two very important [survival] documents.”

When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide was announced at the 2023 Missing Children’s Day event. The new fifth edition provides a wider range of missing child situations; gives families instant access to information online; and allows them to hear advice and encouragement from the parents themselves, who speak in powerful videos.

As was the case with the Family Survival Guide, the What About Me? project was developed by AATTAP’s publications team with guidance and oversight from the OJJDP. Both initiatives were stewarded by Helen Connelly, retired FVTC-NCJTC Program Administrator who continues to share her expertise as an Associate employee.

Looking back—and ahead

“As you know thousands of children go missing in the U.S. every year,” Ryan said. “While most are safely recovered, others are found deceased and never identified. Currently there are more than 1,000 children whose remains have been found, but have not been identified. We want to help name them, and return them to their families, communities, and loved ones.”

The OJJDP and NCMEC, with support from the DOJ—and training and technical assistance from the AATTAP and NCJTC—will work with state and local law enforcement agencies to identify these children, Ryan explained, adding, “they deserve no less.”

The forthcoming sibling survival guide, What About Me?, will help a missing child’s siblings understand the emotional turmoil surrounding the crisis as well as the search process. It will offer trusted advice and firsthand insight into what to expect; tips for managing self-care and family dynamics; and guidance on how to deal with law enforcement, the courts, and the media.

Parent-advocate Patty Wetterling to DOJ and NCMEC: ‘You save lives. You saved mine.’

Photo of two women with this caption: Patty Wetterling (right) greets NCMEC’s Director of Special Projects Sherry Bailey during the family survivors’ visit to NCMEC headquarters in Arlington, Virginia.
Patty Wetterling (right) greets NCMEC’s Director of Special Projects Sherry Bailey during the family survivors’ visit to NCMEC headquarters in Arlington, Virginia.

NCMEC President and CEO Michelle DeLaune welcomed parent-advocate Patti Wetterling to speak, recognizing her as “a longtime friend and a personal source of inspiration.”

“Her son, Jacob, who went missing when he was 11 years old, was abducted near their home in Minnesota,” DeLaune said. “Patty has given her life to advocating for her son. She’s raised a beautiful family. And she’s a fierce mother, one who changes this world with every person she speaks to.”

Assistant U.S. Attorney General Amy L. Solomon added, “We’re so honored that you could be with us today, Patty. We’re indebted to you for your years of advocacy on behalf of missing children, and for the work you continue to do to claim a brighter future for our children.”

What follows is an excerpt of Wetterling’s remarks given at this year’s National Missing Children’s Day commemoration.

I want to thank you, Liz Ryan, for meeting with this amazing group. [Wetterling gestures to the family-survivor group attending the ceremony.] I belong over there with you, my heart is with you, and we draw strength from you. I also want to thank everybody at NCMEC and the DOJ. You save lives. You saved mine. 

National Missing Children’s Day is a time to shine a light on a dark topic. When my son, Jacob, was kidnapped, I knew nothing about crimes against children. ‘Who would do that?’ I cried, ‘Who would harm a child?’ It is an unimaginable pain.

After a few days, sleep deprived and depressed, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head, deciding I’m never gonna get out of bed again. It’s too hard. It hurts too much. I can’t do it. But with tears streaming down my face, I suddenly saw Jacob curled up in a ball somewhere saying the same thing. ‘I can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard. They’re never going to find me.’

Screaming, I got up and said, ‘Hold on Jacob, we will find you! But you have to stay strong!’ I got out of bed. That decision to get out of bed was the first of many choices that I had to make.

That was in the early days, and in the 34 years that have followed, I decided I couldn’t live in the darkness. I chose to seek light instead. I chose to fight for the world that Jacob knew and loved—a world that was fair, kind, and safe for kids.

When I was given the phone number for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, I learned so much about the problem—how many children were missing and exploited, and what we all needed to do to bring them home. Most kids come home because somebody is aware of their abduction. They look at the pictures. And if they see something unusual about a child, or a child in a bad situation, they trust their instincts and call the police.

We tried to make sure everybody got Jacob’s pictures. We had to mail out pictures back in 1989. We sent them all over. My favorite story was when a couple was traveling from Minnesota to Florida and thought they saw Jacob. They recognized the picture and said, ‘He was with a man who’s very thin, and he didn’t look like he wanted to be with this guy.’ But they didn’t know who to call. So eventually they called the FBI in Minneapolis. When they described the man that this boy was with, the FBI agent knew who they were talking about…and caught up with him in Flagstaff, Arizona. And clearly [the child they found with him] wasn’t Jacob.

But at least one 12-year-old boy got to go home because somebody was aware of the problem. They looked at the pictures and took that extra step of being there for the child. In those 34 years since Jacob was kidnapped, I’ve learned we are stronger when we collectively pool ideas and resources through Team HOPE and the family and sibling survival guides, we support each other and offer assistance to other families walking down this difficult path.

We have to keep missing children in our hearts until we can hold them in our arms again.

We are all the hope for all missing children, as well as all children who are home safe today.

We can never give up hope.

And together, we can, and we will, build a safer world for all of our children.