By Denise Gee Peacock
While searching for their missing child, parents carry a heavy load—assisting law enforcement, rallying media and public interest in the case, and working to keep food on the table—all while not completely unraveling. But another group of family members is also struggling: the missing child’s siblings.
As sibling survivor Trevor Wetterling recalls, “People would always ask, ‘How are your parents doing?’ And I’d think, ‘What about me? Don’t they care how I’m doing?’ ” Meanwhile, he says, “I’d come home from school, and everyone was sitting around being quiet. No one would tell me what was going on.”
Like other sibling survivors, Trevor’s feelings stem not from self-centeredness, but from a need to validate his own trauma, his own sense of worth.
Trevor is the brother of Jacob Wetterling, an 11-year-old who was kidnapped at gunpoint by a masked man in 1988. Trevor was with Jacob when the abduction occurred, making the ordeal even more traumatic. The Wetterling family spent nearly three decades searching for Jacob until 2016, when his killer divulged to law enforcement where the boy’s body could be found. This, of course, came as another blow.
Trevor and his sisters, Amy and Carmen, are three of 16 sibling survivors of missing children willing to talk candidly about the challenges they faced—and sometimes continue to reckon with. If struggling siblings are lucky, they’ll find support from well-trained professionals. If they’re even luckier, they’ll find strength from those who truly understand their needs: Fellow survivors—whom Zach Svendgard calls “our chosen family.”
Zack is the brother of Jessika Svendgard, an honor student who, at age 15, left home after receiving a bad grade. Alone and vulnerable, she was lured into the hands of sex traffickers until she could break free from her abusers. Zack appreciates Jessika’s strength—and works to share it. “The world is a heavy thing to try to balance all on our own shoulders,” he says. “But powerful things can happen when kind people are enabled to take action.”
The action these siblings have taken is helping update a comprehensive resource for children going through similar struggles: the multimedia guide, What About Me? Finding Your Path Forward When Your Brother or Sister Is Missing.
The new 98-page What About Me? is the second edition of a guide first published in 2007. It was spearheaded by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) / Office of Justice Programs (OJP) of the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ). Its development was overseen by the AMBER Alert Training & Technical Assistance Program (AATTAP) / National Criminal Justice Training Center (NCJTC) of Fox Valley Technical College.
Contributors to What About Me? bring clarity to the complex needs siblings face: Children in families with missing siblings can’t easily process what they’re experiencing. They aren’t hearing the particulars from law enforcement. They aren’t trained to respond to an intrusive or hurtful question from the media. They don’t know how to navigate their frayed family dynamics. And they need help.
The guide provides tangible ways that siblings of missing children can handle stress, the investigative process, and media interactions. It also can help them express their needs to their loved ones and family advocates, and find helpful resources during either a short or prolonged period of uncertainty, fear, and grief.
What About Me? features the voices and perspectives of eight sibling contributors while weaving in advice from seven other siblings who participated in the first edition. It also reflects the expertise of DOJ/AATTAP/NCJTC subject matter experts, child/victim advocates, and relevant, credible U.S. agencies that can help.
The sibling contributors have survived vastly different experiences: Some have missing siblings who were kidnapped by strangers or abducted by family members, while others have siblings who ran away or were lured away from home. Some of their siblings were found safe and returned home. One contributor is herself a victim of a horrific abduction and assault—in which her younger sister was murdered. Others have siblings whose whereabouts still remain unknown, or they were found deceased.
To produce What About Me?, OJJDP/OJP tapped the AATTAP publications team led by Bonnie Ferenbach, and NCJTC Associate Helen Connelly to coordinate the project. The group also played key roles in updating When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide, released in 2023.
Connelly is a longtime advocate for missing children and their families. In 2005, while serving as a senior consultant for the U.S. Department of Justice, Connelly and Ron Laney, then Associate Administrator of OJJDP’s Child Protection Division, teamed up to produce the first-ever sibling survival guide, What About Me? Coping With the Abduction of a Brother or Sister, published in 2007.
“Through Helen and Ron’s vision and compassion, this guide, as well as numerous other resources, have provided support, encouragement, help, and resources needed by so many families,” says AATTAP Administrator Janell Rasmussen.
With Connelly’s encouragement, past and present sibling contributors participated in writing the guide because they recognize shared pain—and potential dilemmas. “Trauma, if left untreated, can manifest itself in harmful ways later in life,” says sibling contributor Heather Bish.
The sibling survivors who worked on the updated resource valued the chance to collaborate with others in “the club nobody wants to belong to,” says Heather, who contributed to both editions. “But our experiences are special,” adds contributor Rysa Lee. “We have the tools that can help others.”
At the project’s start, the siblings met virtually before gathering in person in Salt Lake City in January 2024. There, they bonded, and wholeheartedly shared their experiences and advice on camera for the new edition’s companion videos. “Working with the other siblings of missing persons left me shocked at the outcomes they had; in some way, they each had answers,” says contributor Kimber Biggs. “It was comforting to know that getting answers is even possible.”
Content talks continued, and the guide began to take shape. Then, on May 22, 2024, a powerful two-hour roundtable was held at OJJDP offices after the National Missing Children’s Day ceremony in Washington, D.C.
The siblings agree that “there is no right or wrong way to survive, it is just our own,” Heather says. “We hope that sharing our experiences will empower other siblings to forge ahead, and possibly empower someone else to do the same.”
Each of the sibling contributors discussed their lives now as social workers, teachers, and counselors. Contributor Sayeh Rivazfar has dedicated two decades of her life to serving in law enforcement, investigating crimes against children, before her retirement two years ago.
Sayeh doesn’t think of herself as a victim or survivor: “It’s more than that. I see myself more as a thriver, despite the odds.” She credits this to the love and support she has received over the years from family members, friends, and caring professionals.
“A guide like this would have been so helpful to us,” she says. “But we hope that now, with its help, with our help, children can know they are not alone. That we care about them, and want them to thrive too.”
Rysa adds another positive take. There is light to be found in the darkness of tumult, she says. “Siblings do come home, and my family is living proof.”
New guide’s sibling contributors
Kimber Biggs, sister of Mikelle Biggs (Arizona) Kimber was 9 when her 11-year-old sister, Mikelle, was kidnapped on January 2, 1999, while riding her bike near their family’s Arizona home. Mikelle was never seen again. Since then, Kimber has spent 25 years advocating on her sister’s behalf. Through the Facebook page Justice for Mikelle Biggs, Kimber shares updates on Mikelle’s case to more than 29,000 followers. Also, since late 2023, Kimber has worked as an AATTAP- NCJTC Associate, providing her powerful family perspective to investigators learning how to best work with victims’ families in missing persons cases. “It has taken a lot of work and therapy to get to the place I am today,” she says. She also remains hopeful that her sister’s case will be solved. “A new detective has been assigned to what was a very cold case,” she told attendees at the 2024 National AMBER Alert and AMBER Alert in Indian Country Symposium. “The fact that he’s eyeing a significant suspect in the case makes it feel like something is finally happening.”
Rysa Lee, sister of Maayimuna “Muna” N’Diaye (Alabama) Rysa was 14 when her 4-year-old sister, “Muna,” was abducted by her biological father to Mali, West Africa, on December 27, 2011. Rysa and Muna’s mother, Dr. Noelle Hunter, began a relentless campaign to bring “Muna” home—which thankfully occurred in July 2014. Since then, the family has tirelessly advocated on behalf of international parental child abduction (IPCA) cases via the organization they founded, the iStandParent Network. While her sister’s IPCA case was relatively short, “that year and a half was by far the most difficult and longest time of my life,” Rysa says. “To this day, I have never felt as empty and distraught as I felt during that time. The fact that my youngest sister was across an ocean and not in the room next to me sleeping every night was incredibly painful.” Rysa found comfort in high school band and color guard participation, listening to music, “and leaning on my friends to cope.” She currently works in banking and attends the University of Alabama in Huntsville, where her mother, an assistant professor of political science, oversees the International Child Abduction Prevention and Research Office (and contributed to the Family Survival Guide).
Cory Redwine, brother of Dylan Redwine (Colorado) On November 18, 2012, Cory was 20 years old when his 13-year-old younger brother, Dylan, traveled to stay with their father on a scheduled court-ordered visit. The next day his father would report Dylan as missing. The teen’s whereabouts remained unknown until 2017, when his father was convicted of second-degree murder and child abuse in Dylan’s death. Before then, Cory and his family spent nearly a decade searching for Dylan. They have since spent years seeking justice for him and educating others about the legal loopholes in parental custody issues that can prove deadly. (Cory and Dylan’s mother, Elaine Hall, is now an AATTAP/ NCJTC Associate who discusses her family’s case with law enforcement; she also contributed to the Family Survival Guide.) Cory recalls the court process being “long and arduous; it brought up so many emotions for me. But it also made me realize that I am stronger than I thought I was, that my voice and words are powerful,” he says. Now a father of two, Cory finds it an honor to helps adults facing difficult situations. “My experience, different as it is from theirs, allows me to help them through challenging times and come out better on the other side.”
Sayeh Rivazfar, sister of Sara Rivazfar (New York) After her parents’ divorce in 1985, Sayeh and her younger siblings had “child welfare officials in and out of our home due to physical and mental abuse at the hands of our mother and others,” Sayeh says. “Unfortunately, [our mother] thought having men in our lives would help us. But her boyfriends weren’t all good. In fact, one changed our lives forever in the worst way imaginable.” In the middle of the night of September 22, 1988, one of those boyfriends took the sisters from their home, drove to a remote area, brutally assaulted both girls and left them to die. Sayeh, then 8 years old, survived. Sara, age 6, did not. “From that day forward, I felt guilty for surviving and had dreams of saving my sister from this nightmare,” Sayeh says. “I was determined to bring her killer to justice.” Thankfully she was able to do just that. She and her brother, Aresh, moved to Rochester, New York, to live with their father, Ahmad (now a nationally known child protection advocate and Family Survival Guide contributor). Sayeh’s passion to help others, especially children, inspired her to join the New York State Police force, from which she recently retired after two decades of child protection and investigative work. She now focuses on being a good mother to her son. “I’m proud of the work I’ve done, and even prouder of the children I’ve helped,” she says. “The story never ends, but it can have a better ending than one might think.”
Heather Bish, sister of Molly Bish (Massachusetts) On June 27, 2000, Heather’s 16-year-old sister, Molly, went missing while working as a lifeguard. Molly’s disappearance led to the most extensive search for a missing person in Massachusetts history. In June 2003, Molly’s remains were found five miles from her home in Warren. While the investigation into her sister’s murder continues, Heather uses social media to help law enforcement generate leads and “share her story—our story,” she says. Heather was supportive of her parents’ work to create the Molly Bish Foundation, dedicated to protecting children. “I carry that legacy on today,” she says. She has filed familial DNA legislation for unresolved cases and advocates for DNA analyses for these types of crimes. She also has served on the Massachusetts Office of Victim Assistance Board and was part of the state’s Missing Persons Task Force. “As a mother and a teacher, my hope is that children never have to experience a tragedy like this.”
Zack Svendgard, brother of Jessika Svendgard (Washington) In 2010, Zack’s younger sister, Jessika, first ran away, and then was lured away from their family home near Seattle. As a result, the 15-year-old became a victim of sex trafficking. It took 108 days for Jessika to return to her family and get the help she needed, Zack says. “Her recovery in many ways was just the beginning. In many ways the broken person who came home was not the little girl who had left.” Jessika’s ordeal has been featured in the documentaries “I Am Jane Doe” and “The Long Night.” She and her mother, Nacole, have become powerful advocates for victims of sex trafficking and instrumental in passing legislation to increase victim rights, issue harsher punishments for sex offenders, and shut down websites that facilitate sex trafficking. (Nacole is an AATTAP/NCJTC Associate who provides her family perspective to law enforcement; she also contributed to the Family Survival Guide.) “We’ve joined organizations such as Team HOPE [of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children/NCMEC] to provide counseling to others, and are ourselves committed to therapy and self care.”
Amy & Carmen Wetterling, brother of Jacob (Minnesota) On October 22, 1989, Amy and Carmen’s brother, 11-year-old Jacob, was abducted at gunpoint by a masked man while riding his bike with his younger brother, Trevor, and a family friend. His whereabouts were unknown for nearly three decades, but on September 1, 2016, Jacob’s remains were found after his killer confessed to the crime. Jacob’s abduction had an enormous impact—not only on his family, but also on people throughout the Midwest, who lost their sense of safety. Amy, Carmen, and Trevor have been inspired to help others by their mother, Patty Wetterling. Patty has shared countless victim impact sessions with law enforcement across the U.S. (many of them AATTAP/NCJTC trainings). She is co-founder and past director NCMEC’s Team HOPE, co-author of the 2023 book, Dear Jacob: A Mother’s Journey of Hope, and a contributor to the Family Survival Guide. “Jacob inspires us every day,” Amy says. “He believed in a fair and just world, a world where all children know they are special and deserve to be safe.” Adds Carmen, “Jacob believed that people were good. And he lived his life centered on 11 simple traits.”
Additional contributors:
Learn about the siblings who shared their advice for the 2007 first edition of What About Me? Coping With the Abduction of a Brother or Sister here.
![Sibling contributor Sayeh Rivazfar—a retired 20-year veteran of the New York State Police—with her son. [Photo: MaKenna Rivazfar]](https://amberadvocate.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Sayeh-Rivazfar-and-little-boy-makenna-rivaz-copy.png)
Helpful advice for the helpers
What About Me? includes a detailed section of guidance relating to law enforcement and judicial processes. It also provides tips for navigating traditional media and social media. Consider these insights from the sibling contributors.
During a law enforcement investigation
- Siblings “may have a law enforcement officer with little or no experience with a missing children case, seems uncomfortable and distant, or someone who jumps in with both feet,” says Sayeh Rivazfar. The retired law enforcement professional is the survivor of a heinous crime against her and her sister, Sara, who did not survive. “If you want to talk to a different officer, speak up,” Sayeh advises.
- Children are especially confused by law enforcement’s intrusion upon their home and being asked what seems like invasive questions. Help them understand that this is normal—either directly or with the help of a family/child advocate.
- “Just because you don’t hear about progress doesn’t mean they’re not making any,” one sibling notes. Try to schedule regular check-in calls with the family. Let families know that while law enforcement is unable to share every detail of the investigation, they can strive to apprise the family of their progress while keeping lines of communication open and productive.
- If children are expressing anger toward their parents, emphasize that “your parents are still your parents, they still love you, and they care about your feelings—even if they can’t show it right now,” contributors say.
- Be prepared for such questions as:
»How do I handle phone calls during the search?
»How should we handle our missing sibling’s social media and email accounts?
»Can I still go into my sibling’s room?
»Will we get their belongings back?
Working with traditional/social media
- There’s no such thing as “off the record,” contributors say.
- To foster quality reporting “find the journalist who provides compassion and truth, and give them an exclusive interview,” Sayeh advises.
- With nonstop anonymous, uniformed sources on social media, tell children to “be prepared for positive and negative running commentary,” Rysa Lee says.
- Propose potential answers (in italics) to commonly asked media questions that often make children uncomfortable:
»Do you think your sibling is still alive? I hope so.
»What happened? I don’t know, and I don’t want to talk about it with you.
»Was your sibling sexually abused? I don’t know, but it’s not something I want to discuss.
»How does this situation make you feel? I don’t want to talk about my feelings right now.
